I need life

Lately, I’ve been feeling kind of distant. Distant from everyone and everything. I tend to zone out, I’ve put my guard back up. I’m protecting myself from something, what that something is, I’ve yet to figure out. It’s hard to act like everything is okay when it’s not, but it’s even harder to tell somebody what’s wrong, when you have no idea. 

I feel lost, like I don’t belong. I feel like I’m missing a clue that’s right in front of me. I’m hearing what everyone is saying, but I’m not listening. I see what everyone is doing, but I’m not paying attention. I’m lost in my own thoughts, a swirling dimension where no sentences are forming, just words that can’t seem to be placed together. Smile, sad, confused, focus, hurt, distracted, happy, joyful, depressed. These random words, they attack me, they… they change my current state, they make me worry. But why, why can’t I control them, why can’t I push them out of my mind with all the good things I’m surrounded with. Why have I become a target of my own thoughts, and why can’t I defeat them. 

I can see everyone and everything, and everyone can see me. Yet somehow, I don’t feel like I’m actually here. I feel as though I’m seeing everything through a glass window. I’m saying one thing, but another thing is being heard. I’m trapped behind this wall of thoughts, but only I can see it. 

I need something to bring me back to life. 

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Pick a straw.

Someone in front of you is holding 5 straws. 1 of the 5 straws is shorter than the other. You draw a straw and end up picking the short one. You draw again, and history repeats itself. No matter how many times you draw, you always end up with the short straw. 

Do you ever feel like you’re constantly getting the short end of the stick. Like no matter what you do, you never get half of what you deserve. Maybe it’s partially your fault, you’re always telling people “it’s okay” or “don’t worry about it”. Eventually someone is bound to take advantage of that, right? If you become a “yes man” and agree to everything, always say yes to anyone that needs a favour, the favours aren’t going to go away. When you’re done completing tasks for everyone else, how much time are you left with for yourself at the end of the day? 

Tired of drawing the short straw? How bout you stop trying to pick a straw. Ask someone to pick a straw from you, see what happens when they pick the short straw. Will they put forth half as much effort as you do?

Abandonment

Abandon:

  1. give up completely (a course of action, a practice, or a way of thinking).
    “he had clearly abandoned all pretense of trying to succeed”
     
  2. 2.
    cease to support or look after (someone); desert.
    “her natural mother had abandoned her at an early age”

Child Abandonment:

Child abandonment is the practice of relinquishing interests and claims over one’s offspring with the intent of never again resuming or reasserting them.

Heard an interesting story on the news today. A man left his three year old child in the car while he ran into Costco, and was charged with Child Abandonment. He left his son in the car all bundled up to keep him warm for approximately 45 minutes. Was charging him with child abandonment too much? Did he in fact abandon his child if he intended on coming back? What’s the maximum amount of time you can “run into the store” with your child in the car before it’s considered abandonment? is any amount of time okay? How old does a child have to be, before it’s considered acceptable to leave them in a car alone? Is running into the gas station to pay for gas considered abandonment if you leave your child in the car until you get back? 

Is there rules to this, or is it just plain common sense? 

 

Would you leave your child in the car for 45 minutes? 

If you saw a child in a car alone, would you contact authorities? 

Let’s talk.

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I don’t want to plan any more – I’d like to have something planned, that I simply have to follow

Waiting for a shock (not literally)

If I’m sick, I want to know someone will be there to take care of me – Just like I would be there for anyone I care about

I don’t want to do any favours – I’d like to be asked if there’s something anyone can do for me. 

I feel like I can say these things, because I would do/have done, the same for a lot of people.

I want these stupid headaches to go away. 

I can’t put my current thoughts into any form of writing that makes sense, so this will have to do for now. 

I’m just tired.

Bucket List

  • go to “brick yard” 
  • Maid of the mist
  • Go on a cruise
  • Grand Canyon
  • Edmonton Mall
  • Great Wolf Lodge
  • Wine Tour
  • Surfing
  • Cuba
  • Hawaii
  • Shooting Range
  • Run or Dye
  • St. Lucia
  • Brazil
  • Jamaica
  • Darien Lake
  • CN Tower Climb
  • Edge Walk
  • Tokyo
  • Las Vegas
  • Empire State Building
  • Eiffel Tower
  • Statue of Liberty
  • and others….

For anyone that will listen

I vaguely remember a conversation with someone who has recently become a very good friend of mine, on New Years eve. It started off as a casual conversation, slowly changing it’s pace to all that has happened over the past year. 

I must admit, 2013 was a great year for me. Although it was filled with stress, confusion, risks, anger, and the odd sad moment, I found a way to make the best out of every situation. I stopped focusing on negative aspects of life, and started to look for the positive. I let a lot of people in, and became more open to ideas. I focused a lot on myself, started reaching further towards my goals, and achieved most of them.

I almost feel obligated to speak on all the things that I’m going to change about myself this year, since that’s what’s expected on the first of January. Everybody speaking on their new goals and doing nothing to implement them. I don’t want to change myself, I rather enjoy who I am. I would like to better myself, as should everybody, but I don’t believe that means I have to change who I am. 

 I think people are forgetting, a new year, does not mean a new you. You can not create a new identity for yourself, you can not delete your character and recreate a new account. Anything that you’ve done throughout 2013, and past years as well, will follow you into your future. We like to get by on the quote “live for today” or “live in the moment”, and I whole heartedly agree. However, you still have to have a plan, or be prepared to deal with any consequences that your split second living has caused you. 

Take a second and think about what you want your future to look like. Now take another second and reflect on what your life has consisted of so far. What improvements do you need to make? What do you need to drop from your life, and what do you need to add? Create a plan for yourself, and focus on how you’re going to get there. Don’t worry about what other people are doing because, when they get to where they want to be in life, and you’re still standing in the same spot as yesterday, they won’t be worried about what you’re doing. 

 

Don’t create a plan and let it sit there, create a plan and live it. 

 

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I bet you think this post Is about you

Life Is A Movie

In the midst of the holiday rush, and typical guy shopping ( Christmas Eve purchasing ) I had someone very important to buy a gift for. My first instinct was to get this individual a Wonder Woman top. It made sense, I had dubbed her the Wonder Woman of my elite group of tweeters in the twitterverse known as The justice League. After taking one more stab at finding the desired gift, all I came across was a sleeveless red shirt with Wonder Woman’s logo on the waistline. It was 5% cotton and 95% trashy. I wasn’t about to insult you with such a gift. After settling for a Despicable Me T-shirt, a final gift idea hit me; unlike the van that wasn’t obeying the four-way stop rule when the traffic lights are out of order. Nice try asshole.

I’d like to wish all of you a Merry Christmas, and…

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